Mouse Reporting Next Year's News
Dateline El Paso, TX
The Hallibrton Corporation (NYSE, HAL) has been awarded a $150 billion contract to construct a 15 foot high wall along the Texas border with Mexico. Contract options include extending the contract into New Mexico and Arizona as the effectiveness of the wall is demonstrated.
Dateline Mexico City, MX
Brown & Root, a subsidiary of the Halliburton Corp (NYSE, HAL) has been awarded a $125 billion contract to teach Mexican's to pole vault. The terms specify that B & R will be paid a flat rate of $100,000 per trainee, but only for those trainees who demonstrate proficiency at heights greater than 15 feet.
Dateline Yuma, AZ
The United States Marine Corps recently announced the award of a cost plus fixed fee (CPFF) contract to Marksman, Inc, a spinoff of the Halliburton Corp (NYSE, HAL). The contract calls for Marksman to deploy patrols along the wall that is to be built by Halliburton along the Mexico-Texas border. The amount of the award has not been disclosed, but confidential sources have indicated to the Mouse that payments in the amount of $100,000 per body will be paid to Marksman for every pole vaulting Mexican shot in the vicinity of the wall.
Dateline Washington DC
President Bush announced from the oval office that he has signed a Presidential Order directing that the Washington Monument be dismantled. The President reacted swiftly to a study conducted by the Foundation for Sexual Purity that the phallic monument has been a leading cause of increased homosexuality and oher forms of sexual promiscuity among Washngton teenagers. This follows on the heels of the Foundation's demands that the domes of the capitol building and several other landmark buildings along the Washington Mall be flattened. When asked the reason for this expensive alteration of the Washington scene, Foundation spokesman Horace Perriwinkle blushed.
Dateline Washington DC
Presidential spokesman Tony Snow responded vigorously when he was asked in yesterday's press conference about the abortion that was apparently performed in 1971 on one of the President's girl friends. "That is old news that has been completely discredited." Charles "the Blaster" Gertling, the reporter who raised the question, was in the process of producing affidavits and other paper work when he was escorted from the press room by heavily armed guards. At press time, Gertling was unavailable for comment.
[And that's the datelines for today, sports fans. Be sure to wear the safety helmets provided by the Office of Homeland Security. The diarrhetic pidgeons we reported yesterday -- believed to have been medicated by terrorists -- are still on the loose.]
The Hallibrton Corporation (NYSE, HAL) has been awarded a $150 billion contract to construct a 15 foot high wall along the Texas border with Mexico. Contract options include extending the contract into New Mexico and Arizona as the effectiveness of the wall is demonstrated.
Dateline Mexico City, MX
Brown & Root, a subsidiary of the Halliburton Corp (NYSE, HAL) has been awarded a $125 billion contract to teach Mexican's to pole vault. The terms specify that B & R will be paid a flat rate of $100,000 per trainee, but only for those trainees who demonstrate proficiency at heights greater than 15 feet.
Dateline Yuma, AZ
The United States Marine Corps recently announced the award of a cost plus fixed fee (CPFF) contract to Marksman, Inc, a spinoff of the Halliburton Corp (NYSE, HAL). The contract calls for Marksman to deploy patrols along the wall that is to be built by Halliburton along the Mexico-Texas border. The amount of the award has not been disclosed, but confidential sources have indicated to the Mouse that payments in the amount of $100,000 per body will be paid to Marksman for every pole vaulting Mexican shot in the vicinity of the wall.
Dateline Washington DC
President Bush announced from the oval office that he has signed a Presidential Order directing that the Washington Monument be dismantled. The President reacted swiftly to a study conducted by the Foundation for Sexual Purity that the phallic monument has been a leading cause of increased homosexuality and oher forms of sexual promiscuity among Washngton teenagers. This follows on the heels of the Foundation's demands that the domes of the capitol building and several other landmark buildings along the Washington Mall be flattened. When asked the reason for this expensive alteration of the Washington scene, Foundation spokesman Horace Perriwinkle blushed.
Dateline Washington DC
Presidential spokesman Tony Snow responded vigorously when he was asked in yesterday's press conference about the abortion that was apparently performed in 1971 on one of the President's girl friends. "That is old news that has been completely discredited." Charles "the Blaster" Gertling, the reporter who raised the question, was in the process of producing affidavits and other paper work when he was escorted from the press room by heavily armed guards. At press time, Gertling was unavailable for comment.
[And that's the datelines for today, sports fans. Be sure to wear the safety helmets provided by the Office of Homeland Security. The diarrhetic pidgeons we reported yesterday -- believed to have been medicated by terrorists -- are still on the loose.]
posted by Benedict S. at 5:58 PM
1 Comments:
BREAKING NEWS- The Mouse has been picked up for questioning by the U.S. government agency MIOASO (Mendacity Is Ours Alone, Stay Out) for trespassing with his blog on terrorism.
MORE BREAKING NEWS- First breaking news not true- more mendacity by MIOSA.
EVEN MORE BREAKING NEWS- this time the truth. The Mouse has a humorous streak in him heretofore unmanifested on his serious, erudite, and thought provoking blog. Unreliable sources says that the Mouse has changed brands of coffee. He switched from a well known American brand to one from Colombia. Maybe he should have looked more closely at the label, which says, "Mostly 100% highland coffee, additional natural ingredients added for flavor and mood changes.
What's the name of that coffee, Mouse? I want to send some to other bloggers; a good dose of humor is needed now and then to keep them getting too serious about serious issues.
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