Once Upon a Mouse ...

Back when I was working as the supposed leader of a bunch of computer programmer animals, I had occasion to take an official action that -- had it turned out one of the ways it might have -- would have put an end to my career as a computer weenie. Seems there was a new Army Colonel -- a lady Colonel, no less -- put in charge of one of the organizations my bunch did work for. As is the habit of all new Colonels, this lady decided she had to do something right off to let the world know she was all business. (I think it's in the Army manual that they must do this.)

A work order initiated by the lady Colonel appeared on my desk the very next week after she took Command of her group, which had something to do with administration, you know, like, maybe running a tight ship. Seems the lady wanted us to do a little program that would produce a printout of all the civil servants who had on more than one occasion within the past year "abused" their sick leave by taking a Monday off. Well, okay. Not a big deal, and not a difficult program either ... about a half-hour job.

BUT ... one of the gals who worked on my team had recently submitted a formal suggestion that those people who had taken no sick leave in the past year be recognized by some sort of certificate or other form of recognition for their great performance. The suggestion came back unapproved, and it was the lady Colonel herself who had written the reason for the rejection: "Good health is its own reward."

Fine. Who could disagree with such logic? Well ... no one maybe, no one but your humble Mouse, the guy who's sitting there staring at the two pieces of paper, the "illogical" suggestion, and the work order.

In what must have been a moment of temporary insanity, I stapled a copy of the rejected suggestion to the work order and scrawled in very large letters across the face of it, the following equally logical response.

And bad health is it's own punishment.

Of course I knew, and the lady Colonel knew that people do abuse sick leave, some more than others, and that perhaps if the work force learned that their names would appear on a shit list if they made a habit of it, they might refrain. But if taking Monday sick leave is potentially an abusive act, it is also a temptation many must be exposed to. It follows then that those not taking Monday sick leave could be understood to have made conscious choices not to abuse the sick leave privilege. If the offenders were to be punished, why not reward those who "did the right thing?"

Well, all logic aside. My venture into "bravesville" did not turn out badly. As chance would have it, before the lady Colonel received my contemptious reply, she and I had occasion to meet on another matter. And seeings as how I was in those days almost as handsome and congenial as I am now, the lady Colonel was swept off her feet. I never heard a word from her about the work order. She did not even bother to resubmit it. I guess she saw the illogic of her ways. Not all Army Colonels are stupid.

I was inspired to write this by a comment made to my previous blog by a blogster who uses the name of the minor French actor, "Thierry Beauchamp," or who may be that actor. Old Thierry struck a sensitive spot in the Mouse's thick skin ... counted almost to 20 before gathering myself for my usual polite and deeply meaningful response.